What If We Let Dads Show Up Differently?

Masculinity, family, and building workplaces that truly support care

When we talk about parenting on the show, often we talk about moms and work. There's a good reason for that. Women carry so much of the invisible and emotional labor of a household, but that's not the whole story.

One in three dads, according to Paul Sullivan, are “lead dads.” They are the parent who knows what’s in the lunchbox and whether the kids have a dentist appointment. They’re running point on carpool pick-up; when someone pukes, they cancel the day’s appointments and call the pediatrician. Often, they’re people like Paul.

🎧 Check us out on LinkedIn, YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify 🎧

I've known Paul for a long time. He started the Wealth Matters column at the New York Times when I was a new journalist, getting my sea legs in the business. Many year ago, Paul’s wife started an asset management company. They decided that if she was going to chase this dream, it was going to be all consuming. He would step up at home. Over time, he came up with a name for this role: lead parent.

For many years, while working full-time at The New York Times, he also ran point on their daughters’ care, a fact that he didn’t often disclose. He worried editors might withhold opportunities from him because they figured he couldn't do it all.

But then came 2020. For Paul, the pandemic brought everything that it brought to any of us trying to keep our kids afloat while also staying employed. He was suddenly a full-time school teacher, and the deadlines for his own column didn’t cease. There were plenty of support groups on the internet—Facebook groups and parenting forums—but there was nothing for him. As Paul told me, “All the parenting sites, they're really written for moms.”

In 2022, he started Company of Dads, a media company and a community intended to create resources and opportunities for connection for the many, many men who are increasingly stepping into this lead caregiver role. In this episode, Paul joins me to talk about what it’s like to take on that caregiving identity. We talk about ambition and masculinity. We talk about how to make work work for men, for women, and for all families.

“I wanted something positive for dads—not just the dismal D’s of distress and dysfunction.”