The Ambition Trap
There's got to be a better way to stop living for approval and start living for you
I’ve always loved the idea of ambition. To me, it’s been about drive, purpose, and striving for something more. Which is why I was taken aback when a younger colleague—a 35 year-old woman who is hugely successful here at LinkedIn—recoiled when I used the word. Literally, she drew back her shoulders and scrunched her nose. “I don’t want anyone to think of me as ambitious,” she said.
What? I thought, has ambition become a dirty word?
🎧 Check us out on YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify 🎧
I started to ask other young women I knew, and most of them rejected the term. They saw ambition as this heavy, unattainable thing that just led to burnout, pressure, and chasing approval instead of fulfillment.
And that got me thinking… what are we talking about anyhow when we talk about ambition?
That’s the subject of today’s conversation. I’m sitting down with two accomplished women from LinkedIn—Ahyiana Angel (who considers herself post-ambition) and Hayley Saltzman (who, as I said above, does not want you to call her ambitious). We challenge the conventional wisdom around ambition and tackle the hard questions: What if we stopped living for others’ approval and started living for ourselves?
Here’s what you’re going to get from this episode:
The Tension Between Extrinsic and Intrinsic Ambition – What if the ambition we’ve been chasing isn’t ours to begin with? We dig into why external validation might be holding us back, and how to find true motivation from within.
How Society Limits Women’s Ambition – Let’s face it: the way ambition is framed in our society is often gendered and restrictive. Ahyiana and Hayley share how they’ve navigated these biases and found their own paths.
What Happens When You Quit the Dream Job – Ever felt like the “dream job” just wasn’t right for you? We talk about what it’s like to walk away from what you thought you wanted, and why personal growth is worth more than any title.
Fear and Ambition – Spoiler alert: fear is part of the deal. But what if we leaned into it instead of running away from it? Fear can be a powerful force when it’s used as fuel for growth.
Reconnecting With Your Ambitions – Practical tips to help you reconnect with your own ambition and self-worth, and start living a life you actually want—not the one someone else has designed for you.
And I should say here that I think of you as the fourth person at this table. You’ll have your own perspective on ambition, and I hope you’ll give yourself space to examine it. If you’re so inclined, please share it with me.
We’ll be taking this conversation to Office Hours this week. Senior producer Sarah Storm and I go Live from the LinkedIn News Page to chew on the episode’s ideas with you. You can find us right here on Wednesday afternoon at 3pm EST.
I Can’t Stop Thinking About This…
Anne Helen Peterson’s piece on the twilight of the American passion economy reminded me that this tiny window of time in which I became an adult, one in which I was raised to believe I could make a living at anything I loved and I lived in a country with enough social safety nets that I could trust things would work out, has now evolved. The promise is broken. Realizing this will save us from the burnout that inevitably leads to a paralyzing demoralization, and AHP offers a spot for hope in her essay’s conclusion.
Poetry this week. When things feel uncertain and out of control, I turn to fiction for a greater connection to other humans, an understanding of our motivations and our shared humanity. And when I can’t find that comfort in fiction, I seek poetry. There are few poets I revere more than Daniel Ladinsky whose translations of Hafiz bring me stillness. If you’re new to his work, consider placing this book on your bedside table. It has been on mine for a dozen years. Here’s a sample:
"The Gift"
"Don’t grieve.
Anything you lose
comes round in new form."
